Nordo In the Beginning

Nordo In the Beginning 1

(Manuscript founds under an old fryer in the Haight district of San Francisco. Fryer was used for fries as well as falafel. The pages were in such poor condition and stuck together in a mass that it took 4 scientists 10 years to transcribe it.)

1 In the beginning God created the stomach and the kitchen.

2 Now the refrigerator was formless and empty, the crisper and cupboards were bare, and a great hunger roiled in the depths.

3 And God said, "Let there be fat," and there was fat. 4 God saw that the fat was good, and he placed the fat in a skillet on high heat, whisked, adding butter and a small portion of cornstarch. 5 God called the fat “gravy”. And how the combination of animal juices and butter created a substance to love. And there was mashed potatoes and gravy—the first meal.

6 And God said, "Let there be fermentation in the yeasts and separate the liquid from the solid." 7 So God made the wheat ferment as it lay in the sun and caused the sugars of the liquid to differ from the sugars of the solid. And it was so. 8 God called the solid “bread”, and he called the liquid “beer”. And there was a pint of ale and a bowl of pretzels—the second meal.

9 And God said, "Let the times of the day separate, let the day be divided into three meals and a few snacks between, so that a variety of tastes may be consumed." And it was so. 10 God called the first "breakfast," and the second he called "lunch," and the third he called “dinner.” He allowed the times between to be filled with every array of chip and cookie, every precut carrot and celery stalk, and as an added bonus he made another time, after dinner, in which sweets would taste good and this he called “dessert.” And God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation so that the bowels may be regular and the vegetarian may annoy the omnivore: let seed-bearing plants and trees that bear fruit grow, according to their various kinds." And it was so. 12 The land produced corn, wheat, arugula, spinach, grapefruits, brussel sprouts, collards, squash, and all other amazing varieties of edible plants. And God saw that it was good. 13 And though all these wonders existed, there was an iceberg lettuce salad dotted with cherry tomatoes and strings of grated carrot—the third meal.

14 And God said, "Let the water teem with fish to hook and net." 15 So God created the salmon, the bass, and the cod, the great tuna and the farmed tilapia- all the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 16 God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number the many ways of being prepared each to its own kind whether in a can with oil, or rolled with sticky rice, or slightly braised with a dash of lemon and a sprig of rosemary.” And God, in his infinite wisdom slathered the flesh of a cod in batter and dropped it into the boiling oil. Vinegar was the finishing touch. 17 And God saw it was good, and there was fish and chips—the fourth meal.

18 And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, that move slowly along the ground, each one easy to round up and herd, with little brains and even littler desire to flee, each according to its kind." And it was so. 19 God made the wild animals into the livestock according to their kinds, and so the lumbering cow, truly a package of meat waiting to be eaten if ever these was one. And the cow was kept in a pen, fed, and culled, skinned and packaged between Styrofoam and plastic wrap so that all the men and women of the earth may eat the top sirloin. And God saw it was good. And He said, “Let the process be so simple that all that man requires is a grill and a bag of self lighting coals.” And it was so. And there was the fifth meal- steak off the grill.

20 And God said, "Let there be different culinary styles with variable ingredients and methods to separate the Mexican from the Italian, and the Indian from the Chinese, and let them be served as traditions to mark restaurants, 21 and let them be revered and give the earth a great variety of flavors." And it was so. 22 God made many great traditions —the great Mexican to govern the taco and the great Italian to govern the pizza, the great Indian to govern the tandori, and the great Chinese to govern the dim sum. He also made the perogis, the spatzens, the Denver omelettes and the tapas. 23 God set them along the avenues of the Midwest, 24 to satisfy during both the day and the night, and to separate full stomachs from hunger. And God saw that it was good. 25 And there was the ethnic restaurant—the sixth meal.

26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them hook the fish of the sea and shoot the birds of the air, let them lord over the livestock at their mechanized troughs and determine which of all the creatures of the earth are worth consuming and which are only for show. Let them lord over all the grills and ovens of the earth, let them know the use of the spatula and make good with the Quisinart- TM."

27 So God created man in his own image, male and female he created them. And so man, a little hairier than needed with a paunch and dirty fingernails, in his greasy white apron and floppy hat, stood in the kitchen of a diner with a cigarette dangling from his lips, and he burped. And knowing that this one could never do the job well, He created the lady and put her in something pink and above the knee, gave her a husky voice and an order ticket, and she smiled a weary smile.

28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be numerous and roam the earth in search of something fried; fill the diner booths of the world and drink too much cheap, black coffee."

29 Then God said, "I give you every slice of bacon and every serving of hash browns, every hamburger patty and every sausage link and every shred of meat unusable for that patty and that sausage link ground up and made into a hot dog. I give you the chicken breast fried and covered with gravy, the grayish lima beans and fruit cocktail in the can. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give corn for food whether or not that animal is suited to it." And it was so.

31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was the diner for every other meal.

Nordo In the Beginning 2

1 Thus the stomach and the kitchen were completed in all their vast array.

2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he sat down in front of the television with a plate of water crackers and sharp cheddar cheese, and he rested ^[a^] from all his work. 3 And God drank a six-pack of light beer on the seventh day and became drunk, and so he slept well and snored after all the drinking that he had done.

On the Deck of USS Nordo

“Damn it, man, can’t you pull with your back. Use your body not just your pinky. We haven’t left the harbor yet and you’re proving yourself worthless.

“What’s gotten into you? You lost the will to live, son? Why, I’ve seen overweight Midwestern children with more heart. You’re not going to last long on this ship.

Captain Nordo barks orders at us, his lackeys. The intensity of his gaze makes up for the bone chilling breeze on this March day on the Salish Seas. We have come far, beyond the San Juans and after a couple days of hard sailing we near the warmer waters of Desolation Sound. Here, where the tidal waters of Puget Sound and the Stait of Georgia collect and become trapped amongst the numerous inland islands we hope to find the answer of all our questions. Captain Nordo drives us in his need to know. He’s heard the rumors of a place Jacques Cousteau called one of the best places on planet Earth to dive and explore the wonders of the underwater world. It’s known as God’s Pocket.

God's Pocket hides within the reaches of Desolation Sound. How appropriate is this? Is there a clearer example of poetic justice? How do we create such obvious examples of our human condition? I digress into idle threads of thought, but the air is so clear and the waters so endless how can I not let my thoughts reach for an ending, a shore that demarks the end of a grand journey?

“Stop your worthless daydreams and pay attention.”

Will he ever relent?

“Bring her about and into the wind. Get ready to jibe. We’re setting course for that small rock of an island as a place to anchor.”

A frigid spray off the waves soaks the clothing upon my back. We bound up and through and slap down in the troughs with such force that we all nearly topple over. The sea has turned turbulent as we’ve neared our destination. As our captain frets and pounds the deck with the soles of his boots, cursing our incompetence and the weather in a single breath, he seems to have asked for a challenge from the invisible forces that surround us. And he would like it no other way. Without a challenge can there be a victory? Without a falling though time and space can there be a dream? Without the specter of an ocean system strangled under our hands can there be joy in finding a truly pristine seas?

“This is the spot. Heave to.”

The ropes are pulled and coiled. The sails are reefed. The tiller tied taught.

Why can’t we spend our lives searching for the best food on the planet? Why not spend our energies on finding the best ways in which to eat and therefore live?

The breeze passes by kissing our checks with lips of ice. I shiver but there’s no discomfort that could ruin this moment. The sun fights to break through the clouds.

“For god’s sake will do something besides staring up at the sky like a damn idiot? We’ve got work to do. You think these people can eat daydreams?”

Experiment #4- The Island and the Carnage

We cruise the Asian market. Sea cucumber, clams from around the Sound, oysters, mussels, whole rock fish with the wild look of death in their eyes, the large suckers on the amorphous body of an octopus (local), squid clean and white.

We jump to the third course and have no desires to work on the Big Bang. Tonight’s deal: Mollusk Island. The Siege of Land by the Sea Creatures. Clams will scale the ocean floor. Squid will wrap their tentacles about the foliage of the land.

Gibberish crowds our heads. Seafood, Sailors, and Sea Monsters in the Salish Seas. Sea Monsters Ravage the Salish Seas. Seafood and Sailors: The Evolution of Sea Monsters. When will the answer appear, perhaps in a message wrapped in the Styrofoam packing of an Asian delicacy.

Back at the laboratory we dequill the squid and debeard the mussels. Debearding kills the little guy. They fight back a bit and everyone once in a while the tongue extrudes from the shell with the tug at the beard. Brutal. Polenta sits aside waiting to be the sand of the island.

Butter in the pot. Shallots (whole medium) and onions (whole small) swim in the butter. 3 small leaks are added. A fennel bulb follows. We’re going for it. This will be the broth of the sea, a light green that will become the Sargasso seas. 2/3 a cup of white wine gives it a kick. The root vegetables will be the vegetables of the sea, the seaweed landscape hugging the contours of the island. 3 cups of fish stock. One package of squid ink. Ohh. Maybe not so good. A bit grey for an ocean.

Once boiling the squid, the mussels, and the clams are thrown in. Covered. And just like that it’s done. The bivalves are cooked. Seafood is the test for cooking just the right amount of time. Good seafood is all about perfect timing needing just a bit of love on the stove and nothing more.

Now for the staging (plating). The island is placed in a large bowl. The bivalves are beautiful with root vegetables clinging to them. The bivalves and squid bodies are piled around the island, the veritable creatures of the sea crowding the land under the seaweed bed of onions, shallots, and fennel.

We’re not overwhelmed. Again, our attempts at telling the perfect story give only minimal successes in the culinary realm. First, too much squid ink, we don’t need a black/ grey sea, and it was so beautiful before adding the ink. Maybe we’re trying to be too cute. Two, squid bodies are a bit tough. This will take study. The clams and mussels do well, and the polenta is a good island, but somehow the whole thing is unappetizing and just not interesting enough in flavor. And here we run into a tough question. How do we improve upon the fruit of the sea?

We are happy in concept and lacking in execution, but that is the name of the game here in the laboratory, and so we move on to another experiment that proves to be a challenge.

We go for opening a sea urchin. But, there’s a slight problem that brings the whole world of life into focus. It’s alive and still moving. The spines slowly rotate and twitch. It’s trying to live, and yet, we are hoping to cut it in half. We know it can’t scream, but… This is very difficult. We look longingly at each other.

Yvette starts sharpening the knife and we send good will to the urchin. May he go to sea urchin heaven so that we can eat its gonads. This is all very carnal.

A lot of crunching is involved. It crunches. The spines still move. We bisect it and pour out the juices. There’s a lot of strange organs in here. We see the delicious tongues of meat. Oh my god. It smells a bit like a sewer line. This is very surreal. The first thing we pull out looks like the mouth, the extruded stomach inverted into the body. This is all a bit harrowing. Yvette has a concerned look on her face. A killing has occurred.

But oh, it’s delicious. The five loaves of meat are buttery and smooth. A treat. This is the crux of understanding life.

Experiment #3- The Invertebrate Salad

Tossed amongst the waves, carried by the currents of the Strait of Juan de Fuca, pushed west and east, north and south, a clear bottle with a small note made its way into the Puget Sound. It washed up on the shore of Alki Beach where the pioneers of Seattle first landed. The cork had done its job; the note within was pristine and dry.

The USS Nordo has set sail. A heartfelt meal of the sea is being prepared. Keep the lookouts on patrol. She will drop anchor in Seattle in early May. Nordo willing.

The laboratory is cooking. Tonight’s experiments promise a breakthrough in the science of oceanic evolution. We descend below the surface, pop open a bottle of dry, white Spanish wine (my personal favorite) and begin our work. On tonight’s menu:

The Invertebrate Salad

The Big Bang (once again)

We tackle the salad- our second course in the evolution of the seas, an homage to the greenery and the spineless of the seas. First, blanch seaweed in salty, as salty as the sea, water. What was once brown becomes a deep, pine forest green. Cucumbers are thinly sliced and pickled in rice wine vinegar (8 oz.), 1/2 cup salt, 1/4 sugar, and thinly sliced ginger. Placed in the fridge for a few hours, it waits while we get our second experiment underway.

We go for another attempt at the Big Bang. If God had this many failed attempts at his Big Bang Amuse Bouche then what grotesque mistakes must be floating about in the matrix of alternative universes. (Shudder) We abandon the previous theories (see experiments #1 and #2) and go for a gelatin. A stock is made from mussels. 1lb scrubbed and bearded. 3 garlic gloves peeled and smashed. 1 large peeled shallot. 4 sprigs of thyme. 3 small bay leaves. 1 1/2 cups of dry white wine. Once boiled (covered) remove the mussels as they open. Strain, add an equal amount of blanching liquid from the seaweed (see above) and 4 grams of squid ink, and bring to a boil. This may be the concoction of the cosmos.

Place in a shot glass half full and cool in an ice bath to set the gelatin. Place remainder of liquid into fridge for now.

Once shot glass gelatin is half set add roe and top with remaining squid ink mixture from the fridge to cover the roe. Cool in fridge. Let sit for some time. We will wait 20-30 minutes before checking. 6:30pm. if this works a thickened substance of the sea will hold the roe in suspension as a surprise.

Back to the Invertebrate Salad. Plant life clings to the ocean floor. Transparen breathe in and out, propelling themselves through the ocean, and the sea cucumber pulls itself along the ocean floor sucking at the detritus. Sound appetizing? I think so.

The salad dressing will be as such- 1/2 cup of rice wine vinegar. 1/4 cup of soy. 1/2 teaspoon of peeled and minced ginger. Cat hair (optional). 1/2 cup of sesame oil. The mixture is placed on 1lb. of seaweed and marinated. On second thought, perhaps the marinade is a bad idea as the seaweed may lose all texture. Too late. It's doused.

Yvette lays out a school of pickled-cucumber-jellyfish upon the plate. A small mound of seaweed is spread atop the jellyfish cucumbers and finally, a sea urchin gonad is laid on top of the mound. The soft orange of the urchin contrasts well with the varying greens of the plate. We sit to taste.

The salad is amazing. The green hues are vibrant in both look and taste, full of bite and tang, while the silky and delicate tongue of the sea urchin provides richness to the whole ordeal. Perhaps the tang of the seaweed (the vinegar) is too strong for the urchin and the two should be separated, but the melting meat with the cucumbers is a match made in heaven. The sesame is a good touch but the vinegar needs to be pulled back. That may be the only adjustment. The first Invertebrate Salad is a wonderful experience- sharp, strong, rich, sexual, full of vitamins. We toast our first success of the wonders of the ocean. The sea urchin is the foi gras of the sea, a smooth tongue of deliciousness.

We end our evening's experiments with The Shot. The Big Bang. The Primordial Ooze. After nearly 3 hours we sit down to sample. The shot glass is briefly warmed in a bowl of nearly boiling water so that the gelatin does not grip the glass. Turned upside down, the two layers separate and one glob of black gelatin falls, then a few roe, then the second layer follows, and it splatters out upon the plate. The squid ink has coagulated and floats about in the gelatin like a Rorschach test, all stringy and randomly coagulated. The roe barely glow. And we taste. The sea. The salt. The sea. The salt. And not so good. We’ve made progress and almost attained the consistency of what we all know to be primordial ooze, but the flavor cannot be just fish. No. We need the flavor of life itself exploding in the mouth, the flavor of innovation and triumph, the flavor of champagne perhaps. We need a surprise so that the trepidation at throwing back a shot of black, gelatinous ooze rewards with a glorious, clean, exhilarating blast of life. We will discover the right flavor and come the time of the show, we will present a great neon menagerie of amino acids and DNA, and we will giggle, and we will prance across the palette. Wait and see. Fingers crossed.